original oil painting on stretched canvas
by Mikyong Rodgers
I hate lawyers! Lawyers are the reason it’s so hard to find trampolines, pools with deep ends, high dive boards, hot coffee. They’ve paralyzed businesses, frightening them into inaction, to the point where businesses do nothing that could possibly injure even the most cautious of patrons, lest they call their blood-sucking Neanderthals in Armani suits.
Those who bring the lawsuits to court will often claim
“Oh, it isn’t for the money, it’s the principle of the thing.”
"Oh really? Great, glad to hear it, then donate any winnings to your favorite charity…but do it publicly because you know how people talk…some naysayer will probably think you just plunked down your winnings on a custom made Winnebago and a time share condo in Myrtle Beach.
“Oh, it isn’t for the money, it’s the principle of the thing.”
"Oh really? Great, glad to hear it, then donate any winnings to your favorite charity…but do it publicly because you know how people talk…some naysayer will probably think you just plunked down your winnings on a custom made Winnebago and a time share condo in Myrtle Beach.
You’ve all heard commercials asking “have you been injured in an accident”? What could be more despicable than a lawyer encouraging people to become angry enough to take someone to court….and over accidental damage, at that? Obviously no one intended to injure anyone, or damage anyone’s property. Why make the perpetrator's life more miserable than it already is, by dragging him through a messy trial and bleeding him dry? Oh, right, because the lawyer needs another vacation home in Martha’s Vineyard.
There are a number of things we can do:
1. Make advertising for lawyers illegal. It used to be. At one time, it was thought beneath the dignity of a lawyer to beg for business. There is something about it that faintly hints of a used car salesman, when a lawyer goes on TV and asking people to let him pursue a doctor who botched the botox on your latest plastic surgery.
2. Require the person who brings the suit to pay the entire court costs for both sides up front, getting a refund only if he wins.
3. Most importantly, make it illegal for the lawyer to take a percentage of damages. All fees must be stated and agreed to from the beginning. Without the allure of a huge settlement of which the lawyer can take a sizeable cut, lawyers will lose their incentive to encourage frivolous lawsuits.
Then, and only then, can the world resume some semblance of normalcy.
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